it's the end of July and also the end of my 3-week-holiday in Medan.
I'mma head back to Padang on Sunday afternoon.
It's funny when holiday is almost over, I just feel like laying on my bad, watching Orange Is The New Black, or just switching through the TV channels. XD
But, for tomorroow, I think I have list o do :
1. Clean the house (my main job whenever I'm home) :D
2. Eat lontong pagi and serabi (must-have breakfast meal whenever I'm home) :p
3. Start reading my jobdesk as HRD Team CIMSA
4. Out with Mamak and Cia, I'm craving or Pizza Boy and burger..guess those will be my lunch
5. Buy my ticket
6. Packing my stuff
Thank you for my fantastic holiday God.
It has been fulfilling my heart.
May I head back to Padang with a fighting spirit and a surrending heart.
And It's also been 4 days of watching Vampire Diaries, waiting for Saat Berbuka to buy food, doing nothing in my room.
It's also been 4 days of feeling literally alone and lonely.
My kost has 10 rooms outside the landlord's house, 5 in the back row, 5 in front.And my room is in the middle of the back row.
The other rooms are empty but mine.
So, when I watched around midnight, it gave me a creepy sensation. XD
Last night was a bit out of my treshold point.
I couldn't take the fact that I couldn't go out on my motor.
I'd have to take the public trasportation, taxi, or walk.
The fact that I can't go by my own and the way I want, starts to build the feeling of being limited,caged up.
I don't know why, but just couldn't open up as I ussually do with my group friends he than in Medan.
May be it's just me can't take this culture shock.
First time In Methodist 2, it was culture shock too.
Didn't think I'mma have to face this again, with the fact that this time all of my life changed.
There's no more Mamak,Bapak, Cia.
No more mobility.
No more freedom on being, talking what I usually do.
No more sister-time with Kak Abeth.
No more eat-window-shopping-fooling-around with Dea.
No more three crazy,loving,uniqely different girls I have in Dentistry.
No more partameangan.
No more sermon,
No more my safe zone.
I don't know why it repeatedly come to me.
The thought of comparing Padang to Medan.
The feeling of being alone.
The constantly-complaining Gladys.
The fact that Mamak has always tried her best in motivating me may be one of the reason why I just can't back off.
I've gone far.
She has spent a lot me studying here.
and I know this makes her happier than ever.
" Aku ga tau. Aku ga tau kalau bakalan seberat ini waktu dijalaninnya.Banyak banget yang aku tinggalin di Medan.Aku terus berpikir apa FK ini layak buat itu semua.Buat semua yang aku tinggalin, semua yang aku relain. "
" Ga ada yang bilang bakal gampang. Kamu ingat singa betina itu keluar dan berburu untuk kelompoknya. Mangsanya dua kali lebih besar dari dia, lebih cepat. Tapi dia harus kejar buat makan kelompoknya. Kalau memang ini bukan yang kamu mau, tapi ga mungkin kamu tinggalin, jalanin aja dulu. Selesain. Setelah itu kamu lakuin apa yang kamu mau. Aku yakin kok kalau kamu mampu nyelesainnya."
That's what Jo told me last night.
He called because I was don't-wanna-go-out-just-want-to-be-at-kost that night.
I like English a lot.
I like stories, a lot.
I can read an article talking about Lithium in "curing" Bipolar in New York Times than actually just read my lecturer presentation.
I like Diana Rikasari's blog.
It's colorful.
I like magezine. It's also colorful and fresh and entertainment-filled.
I like riding my motor to 80 km/hour.
I like the feeling of freedom, of the wind blowing my hair, of my short skirts, my T-shirts, my messy hair.
I like to run.
I've always liked it.
I like CIMSA, precisely I like being part of actions.
I like selling DANUS. It makes me feel I'm needed or actually can bring something that make someone happy.
I like having good boy friends.
I was never sure of it, but I like it.
Boys are less drama,
I like doctors- my lecturers- who don't push me (us) to get A, but opening our horizon and making me (us) wonder.
I like writing.
My mind talks all the time.
I like chocolate, all variant of it.
I like good food.
I like watching movies, series.
The truth is, I feel worried if people, my relevat know all of this.
That they'll hink my Mom pushed me into this road.
I don't like people blaming my Mom.
But you know what.
I've got to the point where I stop worrying others' perspectives on my family.
I know my Mamak, I know my Bapak, and I know my Cia.
Everybody's opinions won't change the fact that these are the only people I share blood with.
Happy people!
It's sunny but not so hot in Padang this afternoon.
And I just got back from this Basic Pathology, Diagnose, and Therapy block's exams.
One thing made today 'special' was while we're having our Pharmacology Lab's MCQ exam papers, came our lecturer saying this :
" Ujian sama saya nilainya 15 point selama 15 menit.
Tulis soalnya!
1. Sebutkan apa yang dimaksud dengan obat parenteral?
2. a. Sebutkan jenis-jenis obat parenteral.
b. Berikan contoh masing-masing 5 beserta dosisnya. KALIAN DI SINI KULIAH KEDOKTERAN.BUKAN MAIN-MAIN! "
FU*K!
I guess it was pretty much what's in all of in J room yelled in our hearts, besides " Ya Allah!" of course.
I didn't have any problem with the exams, although I'm not sure about my answers. :p
It's just the way this ibuk YELLED and ORDERED us. Especially her last words.
It's just..
What you think we'e been doing this last freaking whole year Buk? Playing around?! It's been one year of even just trying to find and actually fit to any studying methode we knew. It's been crying alone in the room saying to our selves "Am I good enough?" "Can I make it?"
Every week is about finishing and grabbing one or more textbooks. Every week is about changing from an obgyn, to an internist, to a geriatrist. Another is about doing our Indonesian tasks and Civil's presentation and exams.
Sometimes it's about getting in our organisation, doing the programs. Other times it's about the faculty agenda.
I'm not whining about all the things we have to face, the textbooks we have to read, the schedule we have to follow.
I'm just saying, there are other ways to make students open their eyes, to motivate our willingness to study, to ask, to explore. Not by making us feel so down, like we haven't done anything this past one year.
So yeah, you write me a prescription to be your so dreamed medical student. The kind of students who will make proud the "institution" , who will keep the "accreditation".
But at the and of the day, I'mma choose whether I trust your pescribed drugs or get myself another opinion, or try alternative medication.
