A Lady's Journal: January 2013

To all of you who read or accidentally stumble upon this post.

I was actually "out-of-date" about this news, until I watched Glee Season 3 on DVD.
The story about Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14-year-old boy who committed suicide because of bullyings he got and the fact that no one actually took an action even after posting his It Gets Better video.

I'm not gay nor bi-sexual
I'm writing this as my own calling after reading news about teens committing suicide because of bullyings.

No one deserves to be bullied for what they are, and neither do gays. All of us deserve the rights to live peacefully and feel secured. I know that there's no religion approves of gays (LGBT). But,I also know that, THERE ARE SOME THINGS that WE-HUMEN, can not solve nor understand. Because it's not ours to solve.Then stop trying! If you think forcing your 'idealism' will fix it, you're wrong! Just stop! Let everyone live their lives in their own ways. How many MORE teens will have to commit suicide until we take a stand?

Stop blaming the 'society'! WE ARE THE SOCIETY! Make the change now, starting from 'the man in the mirror', starting from myself, starting from ourself.

For the first time in my 17-year-life I took vitamin due to crying :0

well, that may be exaggerating a bit :p

But still I took vitamin today not because I got a fever or cold. (ga penting banget sih Dys!!-_-")

***

Any way, last month (December) I was so surprised,excited,happy (dalam bahasa Indonesia--> MENGGILAK KEGIRANGAN) when I found out that my all-time-favorite-singer, Adam Lambert was coming to Bali on 31th of December and to Jakarta on 10th of March.

My mom was okay to allow me see the concert on March for not only the price was(and still is) reasonable but also it'd be in Jakarta, but with one condition I was not going by myself but with a 'supervisor' or someone who I know and knows Jakarta well enough.

Like I said on my OLDER post, "I'm used to being asked and mocked for being a fan of Adam" that in other words means "IT IS HARD TO FIND ANOTHER GLAMBERT IN MY SOCIETY".

Since 2012 was a year of "unexpected new things" and "passion" , and this year is ~~probably~~ all about "hardwork", "making my calls" , "facing EXAMS" and "going to UNIVERSITY" , so I got a bit 'confused' like "am I sure I wanna be a doctor?" , "is this what I wanna do for the rest of my life?".

On the Family's Christmas Celebration, we ( my mom,dad,and I) got a bit intese talking about my future path.Long story short, I was told to think about it.

I took me about 2 days to really think what I want in my life.

If I was going to study English Literature or The International Relation at university, my opportunities would not be as many as if I was going to study Pre-Med.

And believe me, I still have that calling to be "The Next Desy Anwar" ;P

I still and will always love performing. And I promise myself, I'm gonna fulfill that dream and passion.

I just have a different start-line.

Until the new year's eve, this "Adam's Concert" , "passing exam" and "going to uni" were still on my nerves.

I still couldn't find any Glambert from Medan that was going to the concert and none of my school friends actually loves Adam that much that they want to see it too.

I was also struck to realise I hadn't prepared myself for National Exams nor The University Entrance Selection.

There I was, shocked and hopeless about all my plans.

I hadn't been spending much time praying that time, and I found myself helpless.

So on my new year's eve prayer, I litterally said :

"God, please let me meet Adam fo at least once. Let me see his concert. It's been 3 years of waiting, and now he's coming here, I just REALLY want to meet him. And God, I know that UI is a huge university, and the passing-grade is really high, but please help me get in. It'd be nice to have a better quality education and to make mom happy...."

I came to a 'smart' idea that If I can pass my try-outs and show Mom how much I've been working hard, maybe she'll let me go without the compulsary to find a supervisor-friend.

A week passed, still no sign of Glambert from Medan and no sign of Mom letting me go.

I was sooo tired for bringing too-many books on school's firdt day, and also the hot weather in Medan just made it worst.

So when I reached home and lie on my bed, I went straight to sleep (nap).

And, I donno why, when I opened my eyes, all I felt was desperate.

''Can't you see it Dys?! THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA GO TO THAT CONCERT.THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA MEET ADAM LAMBERT. THAT'S JUST A DREAM. ALL OF IT. LUCK DOESN'T COME TO YOU!"

After that, I just (stupidly) started to CRY.

And the thing about me crying is when I cry, my eyes and lips will turn really reddish.

Until I decided to take a bath, I was still crying.

I sat and thought that all of my hopes were useless.

My lil-sister came up-stair and saw me with my reddish nose.

Cia : "Kau sakit ya kak?" / "You've got a cold?"

Me : "huh?"

Cia : " Matamu merah,hidungmu merah..." / "Your eyes and nose are reddish"

***

Mom : "Makan bodrex kalau flu.." / "Take some Bodrex if you've got flu"

me : #in my mind# wow I'm taking vitamin because I cried.What a year!

#sitting with Mom

Me : "So, say I find a friend to the concert, I'll still be not allowed to go?"

Mom : " Yes. You still can go Adam's concert next time, Kid. Hopefully, that's your luck. (we don't want) you to not graduate from high-school just beause that concert "

That time, I was imagining of a plane-missing-and-crashing accidents in Indonesia which are many.

May be deep down, I already knew this would come when I wrote my 2013 Wish-List yesterday....